Tag Archives: Pain

Smoldering flames

Flicker and Fade,

It isn’t supposed to be this way. 

Back and forth,

blown out torch.

Reignite,

Dissipate.

Love,

Then hate.

Many mistakes,

Repeated promise of change.

Time to re-evaluate .

Smoldering flames,

Dare to try again?

Some fires can’t ever be truly tamed.

Fight for yourself.

This is a hard post to write, but it is one I have wanted to write for a long time, this is a deeply personal post, BUT I hope it gives someone else who has experienced it hope and strength, you are not alone.

His eyes are what I remember most through the haze, as he took something he had no right to take. He was a coward to prey on me in such a vulnerable situation. It is hard to remember every detail, but I remember his eyes… and I remember what he did to me, I even remember what he said when he was done with me, the disgusting coward, who had to prey on me when I was secluded and at a time I was weak. I remember how helpless I felt, in that moment, how vulnerable and weak I felt with him on top of me….inside of me, I felt sick to my stomach and used, but most of all I felt violated to my core. It’s hard to come back from that and for a long time I thought he took a peice of me that day, every time I would wake up crying and have to run make sure I had locked the door again, or when I couldn’t sleep in the dark anymore because fear consumed me, BUT he didn’t take a peice of me, me giving into that fear was giving him that place in my life. I still have to lock my door and hate the dark, but I AM NOT AFRAID, not afraid of a coward. That day didn’t show me I was weak, INSTEAD it showed me my strength, my strength to fight, no matter the odds, my strength to fight for myself, to pick myself up and peice myself back together. I will never let someone’s stupidity and their mistakes make me question myself ever again.

People can say whatever they please about me, it means nothing to me, they can keep their whispers and their pity, because I am strong and if I can get back up from that, I can handle anything. I AM NOT AFRAID. Life is not always painless, but it can be so beautiful, you just have to push past the bad and put in the work. I could sit around and mope and feel sorry for myself about alot of things OR I could stand tall and fight for myself, for my dreams and wants…I choose the latter. Circumstances DO NOT DEFINE you, only you define you, your life and your legacy are yours to paint, do not be afraid, and when life knocks you down, because it will, you remember this… it doesn’t matter how long it takes you, all that matters is that you get back up. AND YOU CAN.