Tag Archives: life

My next season.

I am very excited to be stepping into this new season in my life. Things have been very hard for me lately, but finally things are starting to turn around for me. I am thrilled. I feel so blessed and lucky!  I am so grateful for all my blessings and the people who have been there for me. A lot of hard decisions ahead, but I know I am on the right path and all this struggle will not be in vain. I am ready! Words cannot express how happy and just blessed I am feeling.

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My little tornado.

This little girl pushes, stretches and most importantly teaches me about myself and life and love, constantly. I adore her.

There is nothing I wouldn’t do for my daughter. Being a single mother can be lonely, scary and stressful but she is worth it. As we step into this next season of our life I don’t know what all is in store for us, I know for sure a custody battle, BUT I will do what I have to to give her EVERYTHING. GOD I am so grateful that my stupidity gave me this beautiful child. I will never ever take her for granted or forget what she means to me or what her existence or love has given me. I love my beautiful daughter.

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Small town girl

I spent my childhood with my head in the clouds and imagination running wild, dreaming up my future, so big so bright and so ambitious. You see I grew up very  poor and in a small town, (both meaning) people treated me like my future was set in stone, I would be a trailer park baby making hillbilly, who maybe had a part time job as a waitress once the children were in school, I ALWAYS wanted more.

Beauty was my curse, means more men chased me then I cared to deal with, wanting to make me their barefoot and pregnant housewife. In a small town your future is hard to rewrite, practically set in stone, women marry their high school sweethearts and have their babies and lower their ambitions and slowly let their dreams slip away without even realizing. That my friends is not living, that is merely existing….not my style.

I am twenty-three, never married, with a three year old daughter and the most sarcastic attitude and opinionated personality, I am a pistol, loud, eye catching and deadly if not handled properly.

Sometimes we get so caught up in life we forget our childhood fervor, our dreams…..I for one refuse to live a menial life. I will be a wife and a mother and unfortunately growing older has forced itself on me like a drunk man at a bar, but I will follow my heart and my dreams wherever they lead. I am not afraid of what tomorrow brings. This small town girl isn’t what she seems, nor what anyone thought she would be. Here’s to dreams! Never lose them and never settle. Cheers.

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Prince Charming

As did most women, I fell into the trap of believing some buff, smooth talking stud was going to ride up (in a suit )on a Harley, and take me for the ride of my life called love. Ha. NOPE. Turns out I like nerdy awkward guys anyways…..the ones you can watch Star Wars or The Avengers with, ya know, the ones who realizes that sometimes you just want to wear a batman shirt and panties ALL day Saturday (Don’t judge me).

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Well I ended up pushing away and hurting a lot of good (really mostly crappy guys), BUT before you mark me down as a man slaying bitch just know….they just weren’t IT. I simply do not believe in settling, even when everyone around me said I should, being proposed to twice and not just being overcome by “woman instincts” and screaming yes  without even thinking somehow makes everyone act like you are hard to please or being picky…..REALITY CHECK: I just knew those men were not the man to take my breath away or adoringly love me. When you ask a man why he loves you and he responds “You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen”……you kind of piece together the fact that he is a shallow D bag, you can quote me on that actually, and you are an idiot for dating him. Come on! What about my kick ass personality dummy? Anyways…. let’s move forward.

I have gone through a lot this past year and have handled my love life, and inevitably i’m sure a few other things as well, poorly to say the least, BUT even though things are in a strangeish place I am telling women(and men too) now DO NOT SETTLE, no matter how long you have been dating or how nice they are NEITHER OF THOSE MATTER when it comes to true happiness, those do not compare to being in love (finding your soulmate if you will)….that goes beyond comparison. It is not just the hopeless romantic hidden deep within me that SOMEHOW always finds it’s way out no matter how deep I bury her! I will never give up on him. My prince charming and I will live happily ever after and we may just drive off on that Harley into the sunset! You never know. :]

 

The complicated creature.

I am indeed a complicated creature, in my defense however my multifaceted personality is what makes me so much fun to be around and I am told my bubbly, upbeat, sarcastic and daring personality is quite infectious. I simply refuse to not follow my instincts and heart, sometimes one more than the other.

I had a boyfriend tell me once that my carefree nature was both his favorite and least favorite quality of mine, which always intrigued me. He loved my personality, but then he felt disposable in my life so he tried to cage me up, comparing it to trying to capture a wild mustang.

I know I am complex and easygoing making myself a walking contradiction in almost every way imaginable. All of this to say I have spent my entire life being told I am too loud, not lady like enough, a bitch, weird, too sarcastic, cruel, unfeeling, too spontaneous, too high strung… so many things. The point to all of this is just be yourself, if you are happy and not causing harm to yourself or others then why not? Life is too short to try to be something you are not, it’s too short not to live every moment
like you’ll never get a second chance, because the truth is you may not. Be yourself, be true to yourself and the ones you love and be happy, and if you aren’t happy make the changes in yourself and your life to become happy.
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A fucked up Birthday.

It wasn’t all bad but it got there pretty fast. I am so tired of people and their judgements and rude comments and flat out lies. I am not perfect, even I can admit that, but I am a good person and if you have my love that means for life, through good and bad, hard or easy, you can call me at 4am when you get a flat and I will be there.

Open your eyes. You can say what you please about me but have the balls to not be full of shit and to not cause people hurt to make yourself feel better. You are weak and PATHETIC.