Tag Archives: DIscovery

Emotional psychosis

     LOVE… **cue the fireworks and the symphony**. Love is a disease that plagues us all from time to time, touches our lives if you perfer, and as I sift through wordpress blogs it tends to pop up. Love always intrigues and sometimes inspires me to my depths, I don’t like corny crazy stupid love BUT I do like hearing about/reading/witnessing true acts of love.

Love is beautiful and untouchable, well true love is, you can see it on a mother’s face the first time she sees her sweet freshly squeezed newborn child, love can make people do crazy things, it truly changes you. Unless you have ever loved so deep, you simply cannot understand.

No matter who it is, your child or significant other, love is when your soul connects to, seeks safety, refuge or makes it’s home, inside of someone else. It changes you to your very core. The struggle of this last year has taught me a lot about love and about myself really. All this to say, love is complicated and it doesn’t always end well, trust me, but it and every experience it brings is life alteringly beautiful.

Enjoy the journey and fight for the things and people you love.

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Why I started blogging.

  Well…writing has always been my outlet, even before I actually let people read it.The difficulty of this past year, all the pain, really is why I started this blog (My decision, to give the baby I carried up for adoption). This last year has been…. one of the hardest years of my life, it really has, so much pain and then loss, many obstacles to overcome. Writing has been such a comfort to me and a coping mechanism. To be honest I felt so lost for quite awhile, but I found myself again in my writing, found a way to feel but release all that bottled up pain. Really my writing has given me back my purpose. I hope you guys have enjoyed reading and journing through this emotional experience with me. No matter what caused me to start blogging again, I am so glad I did. Taking life day by day, learning to stop and smell the roses again.

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You’ll find yourself again.

Sometimes we lose our way, we just have to stop and get our bearings, maybe ask for directions, but once we take that small reprieve….it makes things so much clearer, not necessarily easier, but we know in which direction to head. Don’t be afraid of the open road, just roll the windows down and enjoy the ride, take each curve and bump slowly but learn to enjoy the open road and endless possibilities.

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Fight for yourself.

This is a hard post to write, but it is one I have wanted to write for a long time, this is a deeply personal post, BUT I hope it gives someone else who has experienced it hope and strength, you are not alone.

His eyes are what I remember most through the haze, as he took something he had no right to take. He was a coward to prey on me in such a vulnerable situation. It is hard to remember every detail, but I remember his eyes… and I remember what he did to me, I even remember what he said when he was done with me, the disgusting coward, who had to prey on me when I was secluded and at a time I was weak. I remember how helpless I felt, in that moment, how vulnerable and weak I felt with him on top of me….inside of me, I felt sick to my stomach and used, but most of all I felt violated to my core. It’s hard to come back from that and for a long time I thought he took a peice of me that day, every time I would wake up crying and have to run make sure I had locked the door again, or when I couldn’t sleep in the dark anymore because fear consumed me, BUT he didn’t take a peice of me, me giving into that fear was giving him that place in my life. I still have to lock my door and hate the dark, but I AM NOT AFRAID, not afraid of a coward. That day didn’t show me I was weak, INSTEAD it showed me my strength, my strength to fight, no matter the odds, my strength to fight for myself, to pick myself up and peice myself back together. I will never let someone’s stupidity and their mistakes make me question myself ever again.

People can say whatever they please about me, it means nothing to me, they can keep their whispers and their pity, because I am strong and if I can get back up from that, I can handle anything. I AM NOT AFRAID. Life is not always painless, but it can be so beautiful, you just have to push past the bad and put in the work. I could sit around and mope and feel sorry for myself about alot of things OR I could stand tall and fight for myself, for my dreams and wants…I choose the latter. Circumstances DO NOT DEFINE you, only you define you, your life and your legacy are yours to paint, do not be afraid, and when life knocks you down, because it will, you remember this… it doesn’t matter how long it takes you, all that matters is that you get back up. AND YOU CAN.

The facade of wisdom

As my 23rd birthday quickly approaches I find myself facing issues way beyond my years, as always really , but I have lived a very unusual life filled with many obstacles and issues most don’t ever have to face let alone at the young ages I did.  I find myself looking deep into the waters of self reflection and seeking out the answers to life, really trying so desperately to (re)find who I am/was and where my next steps should be. Life has thrown me some pretty wicked curve balls recently and I might have played a part, maybe even unknowingly thrown a few my own way with life’s hypothetical boomerang. Who knows really.  I thought I had it figured out and my life was steadily headed in the right direction (HA!).

All I know is this I have so many things to be thankful for and this heaping pile of nonsense life keeps surrounding me with is just another set of obstacles to overcome and once I do ,I will be stronger for it. Empowerment comes from within and I am too strong of a person to let anything keep me down. Real strength is not the ability to keep from being knocked down, but rather when you search deep within yourself and find that push to get back up again, no matter how many times you fall, trip or get knocked over.  I just wanna say that if you are reading this I hope it inspires you to look within yourself and seek change and growth, we should always be growing, anything alive is always growing, sometimes we are just too caught up in the big things we forget the little things have impact as well, an entire garden comes from a handful of seeds! So stop sitting around waiting for growth, invoke change, water, prune, uproot the weeds and do all the other things necessary for you to thrive and flourish in life! So if you wanna throw some positivity or nuggets of wisdom my way I always have my glove up to catch them. HAVE A SIMPLY SPECTACULAR DAY.

-BethanyTheComtemplativeBWord

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