Be yourself

“Be yourself” they say “and everyone will like you”. The truth is…..that is a straight up lie. You should indeed be yourself, but the truth is not everyone will like you, in fact there will always be someone who doesn’t like you.

In honesty, I am okay with that, I am the same me all of the time. I am a lot of things good and bad and the people who matter accept those things (What matters is I like myself). I am not perfect and I have made my share of mistakes, but I own them. If you don’t know me, take the time to or don’t make ignorant and inaccurate statements.

Be yourself and people may not like you, but as long as you stay true to who you are…..who gives a fuck.

I am me, I am flawed and imperfect and I am proud.

image

Shades of Bethany

I feel the ache rising up in me. I miss him. He will be one soon…..God how time flies. I feel healed and then the slightest thing pulls and reminds me of the hole his absence has left behind.

Mothers are not made to have to live without their babies, then I remind myself this was my choice, for him. I am going to see him soon, hopefully, the very thought fills me with such joy, but yet such agonizing pain.

This kind of pain isn’t the kind you share, people get upset and uncomfortable by it. Life isn’t black and white, it’s the different shades that leave us in different places. How are any of us to judge another for their life or actions? Unless you have lived their life, you simply cannot, not unbiasedly. If I saw a woman running through the street naked, I would have judgemental thoughts, but if I found out she had just been raped and was escaping her attacker it would fit and make sense….do you see what I am saying? Don’t paint a picture when you don’t even know what the scenario looks like. Stop being judgemental and trying to see things through the way you would handle it, take off your rose colored glasses and open your eyes, see the whole picture.

My next season.

I am very excited to be stepping into this new season in my life. Things have been very hard for me lately, but finally things are starting to turn around for me. I am thrilled. I feel so blessed and lucky!  I am so grateful for all my blessings and the people who have been there for me. A lot of hard decisions ahead, but I know I am on the right path and all this struggle will not be in vain. I am ready! Words cannot express how happy and just blessed I am feeling.

image

My little tornado.

This little girl pushes, stretches and most importantly teaches me about myself and life and love, constantly. I adore her.

There is nothing I wouldn’t do for my daughter. Being a single mother can be lonely, scary and stressful but she is worth it. As we step into this next season of our life I don’t know what all is in store for us, I know for sure a custody battle, BUT I will do what I have to to give her EVERYTHING. GOD I am so grateful that my stupidity gave me this beautiful child. I will never ever take her for granted or forget what she means to me or what her existence or love has given me. I love my beautiful daughter.

image

image

Small town girl

I spent my childhood with my head in the clouds and imagination running wild, dreaming up my future, so big so bright and so ambitious. You see I grew up very  poor and in a small town, (both meaning) people treated me like my future was set in stone, I would be a trailer park baby making hillbilly, who maybe had a part time job as a waitress once the children were in school, I ALWAYS wanted more.

Beauty was my curse, means more men chased me then I cared to deal with, wanting to make me their barefoot and pregnant housewife. In a small town your future is hard to rewrite, practically set in stone, women marry their high school sweethearts and have their babies and lower their ambitions and slowly let their dreams slip away without even realizing. That my friends is not living, that is merely existing….not my style.

I am twenty-three, never married, with a three year old daughter and the most sarcastic attitude and opinionated personality, I am a pistol, loud, eye catching and deadly if not handled properly.

Sometimes we get so caught up in life we forget our childhood fervor, our dreams…..I for one refuse to live a menial life. I will be a wife and a mother and unfortunately growing older has forced itself on me like a drunk man at a bar, but I will follow my heart and my dreams wherever they lead. I am not afraid of what tomorrow brings. This small town girl isn’t what she seems, nor what anyone thought she would be. Here’s to dreams! Never lose them and never settle. Cheers.

image