Flicker and Fade,
It isn’t supposed to be this way.
Back and forth,
blown out torch.
Repeated promise of change.
Time to re-evaluate .
Dare to try again?
Some fires can’t ever be truly tamed.
I am broken.
You have beat me down.
I am silent.
I have no voice now.
I have no fight left.
I am empty.
I did what you said…
Looked in the mirror.
I finally see what you see.
I hope you are happy.
The scars you have left won’t ever leave.
Some days I feel like my three year old daughter is the hardest level (the big boss) in a video game. Can I clean the mess hurricane Addie made and also simultaneously prevent her from further destruction? And go……
Even if I successfully scrub acrylic paint out of the carpet (after scrubbing expensive cleaner into it for an hour….It feels like a victory…..but I still lose, because I turn around and she has scattered toys and clothes and (crackers?) a food trail everywhere. Another hour of cleaning. Don’t get me wrong I love her, but today I wish I could duck tape her to the wall just for a five minute reprieve.
Motherhood is the most frightening and interesting hood I have ever been in.
As did most women, I fell into the trap of believing some buff, smooth talking stud was going to ride up (in a suit )on a Harley, and take me for the ride of my life called love. Ha. NOPE. Turns out I like nerdy awkward guys anyways…..the ones you can watch Star Wars or The Avengers with, ya know, the ones who realizes that sometimes you just want to wear a batman shirt and panties ALL day Saturday (Don’t judge me).
Well I ended up pushing away and hurting a lot of good (really mostly crappy guys), BUT before you mark me down as a man slaying bitch just know….they just weren’t IT. I simply do not believe in settling, even when everyone around me said I should, being proposed to twice and not just being overcome by “woman instincts” and screaming yes without even thinking somehow makes everyone act like you are hard to please or being picky…..REALITY CHECK: I just knew those men were not the man to take my breath away or adoringly love me. When you ask a man why he loves you and he responds “You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen”……you kind of piece together the fact that he is a shallow D bag, you can quote me on that actually, and you are an idiot for dating him. Come on! What about my kick ass personality dummy? Anyways…. let’s move forward.
I have gone through a lot this past year and have handled my love life, and inevitably i’m sure a few other things as well, poorly to say the least, BUT even though things are in a strangeish place I am telling women(and men too) now DO NOT SETTLE, no matter how long you have been dating or how nice they are NEITHER OF THOSE MATTER when it comes to true happiness, those do not compare to being in love (finding your soulmate if you will)….that goes beyond comparison. It is not just the hopeless romantic hidden deep within me that SOMEHOW always finds it’s way out no matter how deep I bury her! I will never give up on him. My prince charming and I will live happily ever after and we may just drive off on that Harley into the sunset! You never know. :]
My heart aches again,
nothing seems to silence it.
I ache for things I cannot have,
I ache for things that cannot be.
The night is filled with my pain and misery,
I long to silence my screams,
God please stop these haunting dreams.
I cannot feel,
I cannot heal.
This pain is so raw,
so very real.
LOVE IS BEAUTIFUL. So with that being said why do so many people treat marriage like a joke or just the next step?
Marriage is for when you know without a doubt that you do not want to live one more day, let alone a lifetime without this person.
It is sad to see married people cheating, lying and openly discussing their dislike for their spouse. You wouldn’t destroy the foundation to your house would you? Then why do it to your marriage! You cannot break every glass in your house then get angry because you are thirsty.
UNMARRIED PEOPLE: Wait…wait for the person who brightens your day in the darkest hour, the person who loves you just as you are but always pushes you to be the very best you. The person who leaves a mark so deep you never forget.
Married people: It’s worth fighting for! Cheap thrills should never outrank the person who stands beside you in your darkest hour…who toils beside you to help make your dreams come true.
LOVE is unforgettable.