Her cries filled the night air, as they always do, night after night.
By the time he got to her she was shaking and shivering with her knees to her chest and the pain within unmistakably displayed on her face. “Quiet my darling I am here now, the beast is gone”, he soothed. Somehow she found no comfort in his words, no peace in his embrace. She knew the beast would be back, the beast always came back. Night after night the beast came to take her away and she feared one day she wouldn’t be strong enough to stay, strong enough to look evil in the face again. No one knew how she felt, no one, or how empty their comforts were. No matter where she went the beast found her. She always felt the evil lurking near, feared it would never leave.
As night fell again she found herself searching every corner of the room, waiting. Then a familiar feeling came upon her, she knew the beast was here, somewhere in the darkness. “I know you are here” she said aloud at last. “I am never very far” the creature replied as their eyes met. “Leave me be” the woman begged. The creature scoffed at such a request. She trembled now as she was face to face with evil. Her eyes studied every detail of the creatures face, never lacking in beauty. She was a monster who inflicted pain only to dull her own.
“You are a monster” she finally spoke. “No my dear” she saw her mouth forming every word in the mirror “we are a monster”. Every pain, every horror and every moment had made her this. She needed the beast to survive, the witch who erased her pain every moment she gave into the beast she was free. Every innocent soul she captured and consumed keeping the creature there, but also keeping her safe. She needed this. So she sat at the window in the tower and began to sing her lure, the beautiful melodic voice filling the woods. Until the moment came, another brave knight unknowingly caught in her snare. She smiled and let her hair down for him to climb, up up up to his impending doom.
After she had crushed him and emptied his soul from its fleshly casing he disappeared, as they always do and the creature was satisfied, she was satisfied. She was a monster and she knew it. She began to cry and the beast left once again. Soon her Prince would be back, but she knew even he was afraid of her. How would she ever be free….
God what have we become,
But empty shells,
Within love once dwelled.
I feel the ache rising up in me. I miss him. He will be one soon…..God how time flies. I feel healed and then the slightest thing pulls and reminds me of the hole his absence has left behind.
Mothers are not made to have to live without their babies, then I remind myself this was my choice, for him. I am going to see him soon, hopefully, the very thought fills me with such joy, but yet such agonizing pain.
This kind of pain isn’t the kind you share, people get upset and uncomfortable by it. Life isn’t black and white, it’s the different shades that leave us in different places. How are any of us to judge another for their life or actions? Unless you have lived their life, you simply cannot, not unbiasedly. If I saw a woman running through the street naked, I would have judgemental thoughts, but if I found out she had just been raped and was escaping her attacker it would fit and make sense….do you see what I am saying? Don’t paint a picture when you don’t even know what the scenario looks like. Stop being judgemental and trying to see things through the way you would handle it, take off your rose colored glasses and open your eyes, see the whole picture.
As a lady in general, and being curvaceous makes it worse, I have noticed men stare at me. Not only do they stare, sometimes they whistle and on occasion they bark….yes you heard me right. Today a man barked at me.
I got out of the car today to get my new phone set up and saw two gentlemen, or so I thought, staring at me. I, of course, was NOT impressed by their crude comments or trashy demeanor, but then one of them barked and I was disgusted and a little confused as to why he thought I would be interested. MEN DISGUST ME. Maybe treat a lady like a lady? Or do us both a favor and don’t speak to me at all, don’t acknowledge my presence and, for the sake of your dignity, do not bark at me….. class dismissed.
He knows me,
He’s seen me when i’m weak,
Held me when I screamed.
I feel as though i’ll wake,
This only a dream.
In less than an hour I will be twenty three years old. My youth is fading fast….
A few days ago I said goodbye to my mother as she moved back to New Zealand. My heart was sore at her for being so selfish and I was quite mad, but no matter how I felt she still went.
She will not be here for my daughters first day of school, my wedding, my birthday, or to see my first house, or the birth of my children. The truth is, hidden deep within my anger, is pure hurt. Once again she put a man before her children. My heart cracked when I picked my three year old up from her father’s and she stated “I miss Nona” after she asked where Nona was and I had to tell her “She lives far far away now baby, and she went home”.
It is her life and I want her to be happy, but seeing her go to be with a man who is physically abusive to her is quite hard. It broke my heart. Deep deep down I am terrified the next time I will see her is when she’s being put in the ground, for that mother fuckers sake I hope not.
In the end I love my mother, she has not always been there for me, but she gave me life. We fight more than anything else, but I will miss her terribly. It is so hard to watch someone make such a huge mistake and to know it may cost them their life. I love you Momma, please be careful.
(My sister, my mother and I)