Flicker and Fade,
It isn’t supposed to be this way.
Back and forth,
blown out torch.
Repeated promise of change.
Time to re-evaluate .
Dare to try again?
Some fires can’t ever be truly tamed.
I am broken.
You have beat me down.
I am silent.
I have no voice now.
I have no fight left.
I am empty.
I did what you said…
Looked in the mirror.
I finally see what you see.
I hope you are happy.
The scars you have left won’t ever leave.
I spent my childhood with my head in the clouds and imagination running wild, dreaming up my future, so big so bright and so ambitious. You see I grew up very poor and in a small town, (both meaning) people treated me like my future was set in stone, I would be a trailer park baby making hillbilly, who maybe had a part time job as a waitress once the children were in school, I ALWAYS wanted more.
Beauty was my curse, means more men chased me then I cared to deal with, wanting to make me their barefoot and pregnant housewife. In a small town your future is hard to rewrite, practically set in stone, women marry their high school sweethearts and have their babies and lower their ambitions and slowly let their dreams slip away without even realizing. That my friends is not living, that is merely existing….not my style.
I am twenty-three, never married, with a three year old daughter and the most sarcastic attitude and opinionated personality, I am a pistol, loud, eye catching and deadly if not handled properly.
Sometimes we get so caught up in life we forget our childhood fervor, our dreams…..I for one refuse to live a menial life. I will be a wife and a mother and unfortunately growing older has forced itself on me like a drunk man at a bar, but I will follow my heart and my dreams wherever they lead. I am not afraid of what tomorrow brings. This small town girl isn’t what she seems, nor what anyone thought she would be. Here’s to dreams! Never lose them and never settle. Cheers.
As did most women, I fell into the trap of believing some buff, smooth talking stud was going to ride up (in a suit )on a Harley, and take me for the ride of my life called love. Ha. NOPE. Turns out I like nerdy awkward guys anyways…..the ones you can watch Star Wars or The Avengers with, ya know, the ones who realizes that sometimes you just want to wear a batman shirt and panties ALL day Saturday (Don’t judge me).
Well I ended up pushing away and hurting a lot of good (really mostly crappy guys), BUT before you mark me down as a man slaying bitch just know….they just weren’t IT. I simply do not believe in settling, even when everyone around me said I should, being proposed to twice and not just being overcome by “woman instincts” and screaming yes without even thinking somehow makes everyone act like you are hard to please or being picky…..REALITY CHECK: I just knew those men were not the man to take my breath away or adoringly love me. When you ask a man why he loves you and he responds “You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen”……you kind of piece together the fact that he is a shallow D bag, you can quote me on that actually, and you are an idiot for dating him. Come on! What about my kick ass personality dummy? Anyways…. let’s move forward.
I have gone through a lot this past year and have handled my love life, and inevitably i’m sure a few other things as well, poorly to say the least, BUT even though things are in a strangeish place I am telling women(and men too) now DO NOT SETTLE, no matter how long you have been dating or how nice they are NEITHER OF THOSE MATTER when it comes to true happiness, those do not compare to being in love (finding your soulmate if you will)….that goes beyond comparison. It is not just the hopeless romantic hidden deep within me that SOMEHOW always finds it’s way out no matter how deep I bury her! I will never give up on him. My prince charming and I will live happily ever after and we may just drive off on that Harley into the sunset! You never know. :]
The thing about love ….. it is quite complicated and there are so many facets. Mainly, I guess, because there are so many forms of love. Love can cause us the greatest pain or the most overwhelming joy, it is such a powerful emotion. It has the power of life (when two people come together as one in love and create a child) and death (if someone tried to harm my daughter I would without a second thought protect her, just by instinct).
Love always peaks my curiosity. So many people think they have found it because someone buys them flowers and tells them they are beautiful, that is insulting because love is so much deeper than that. Love sees past every flaw, heals every wound, it ties you to another person and you cannot help yourself but to feel what they feel, every high and every low. Love is when you walk in on your husband with another woman and feel your heart stop beating and hit your knees, not just because of what you see, but because you aren’t angry, you are heartbroken.
Love isn’t a game. “Love is like coming home after a long trip”, that is so true.
It took me a very long time to learn to love myself, as a bubbly person I have extreme highs and lows, every partner not quite understanding or annoyed with my mood swings. People constantly telling me what and how I should be. The thing is love doesn’t do that, doesn’t mean there don’t have to be changes from time to time, but instead it means that they accept every peice of you, not just looking past your perceived flaws but loving your quirks and helping you work past your hurts, seeing your scars and seeing your beauty altogether.
LOVE IS BEAUTIFUL. So with that being said why do so many people treat marriage like a joke or just the next step?
Marriage is for when you know without a doubt that you do not want to live one more day, let alone a lifetime without this person.
It is sad to see married people cheating, lying and openly discussing their dislike for their spouse. You wouldn’t destroy the foundation to your house would you? Then why do it to your marriage! You cannot break every glass in your house then get angry because you are thirsty.
UNMARRIED PEOPLE: Wait…wait for the person who brightens your day in the darkest hour, the person who loves you just as you are but always pushes you to be the very best you. The person who leaves a mark so deep you never forget.
Married people: It’s worth fighting for! Cheap thrills should never outrank the person who stands beside you in your darkest hour…who toils beside you to help make your dreams come true.
LOVE is unforgettable.