Category Archives: love

Smoldering flames

Flicker and Fade,

It isn’t supposed to be this way. 

Back and forth,

blown out torch.

Reignite,

Dissipate.

Love,

Then hate.

Many mistakes,

Repeated promise of change.

Time to re-evaluate .

Smoldering flames,

Dare to try again?

Some fires can’t ever be truly tamed.

Beauty and the beast.

Her cries filled the night air, as they always do, night after night.

By the time he got to her she was shaking and shivering with her knees to her chest and the pain within unmistakably displayed on her face. “Quiet my darling I am here now, the beast is gone”, he soothed. Somehow she found no comfort in his words, no peace in his embrace. She knew the beast would be back, the beast always came back. Night after night the beast came to take her away and she feared one day she wouldn’t be strong enough to stay, strong enough to look evil in the face again. No one knew how she felt, no one, or how empty their comforts were. No matter where she went the beast found her. She always felt the evil lurking near, feared it would never leave.

As night fell again she found herself searching every corner of the room, waiting. Then a familiar feeling came upon her, she knew the beast was here, somewhere in the darkness. “I know you are here” she said aloud at last. “I am never very far” the creature replied as their eyes met. “Leave me be” the woman begged. The creature scoffed at such a request. She trembled now as she was face to face with evil. Her eyes studied every detail of the creatures face, never lacking in beauty. She was a monster who inflicted pain only to dull her own.

“You are a monster” she finally spoke. “No my dear” she saw her mouth forming every word in the mirror “we are a monster”.  Every pain, every horror and every moment had made her this. She needed the beast to survive, the witch who erased her pain every moment she gave into the beast she was free. Every innocent soul she captured and consumed keeping the creature there, but also keeping her safe. She needed this. So she sat at the window in the tower and began to sing her lure, the beautiful melodic voice filling the woods. Until the moment came, another brave knight unknowingly caught in her snare. She smiled and let her hair down for him to climb, up up up to his impending doom.

After she had crushed him and emptied his soul from its fleshly casing he disappeared, as they always do and the creature was satisfied, she was satisfied. She was a monster and she knew it. She began to cry and the beast left once again. Soon her Prince would be back, but she knew even he was afraid of her. How would she ever be free….

Shades of Bethany

I feel the ache rising up in me. I miss him. He will be one soon…..God how time flies. I feel healed and then the slightest thing pulls and reminds me of the hole his absence has left behind.

Mothers are not made to have to live without their babies, then I remind myself this was my choice, for him. I am going to see him soon, hopefully, the very thought fills me with such joy, but yet such agonizing pain.

This kind of pain isn’t the kind you share, people get upset and uncomfortable by it. Life isn’t black and white, it’s the different shades that leave us in different places. How are any of us to judge another for their life or actions? Unless you have lived their life, you simply cannot, not unbiasedly. If I saw a woman running through the street naked, I would have judgemental thoughts, but if I found out she had just been raped and was escaping her attacker it would fit and make sense….do you see what I am saying? Don’t paint a picture when you don’t even know what the scenario looks like. Stop being judgemental and trying to see things through the way you would handle it, take off your rose colored glasses and open your eyes, see the whole picture.

My next season.

I am very excited to be stepping into this new season in my life. Things have been very hard for me lately, but finally things are starting to turn around for me. I am thrilled. I feel so blessed and lucky!  I am so grateful for all my blessings and the people who have been there for me. A lot of hard decisions ahead, but I know I am on the right path and all this struggle will not be in vain. I am ready! Words cannot express how happy and just blessed I am feeling.

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