Flicker and Fade,
It isn’t supposed to be this way.
Back and forth,
blown out torch.
Repeated promise of change.
Time to re-evaluate .
Dare to try again?
Some fires can’t ever be truly tamed.
I am broken.
You have beat me down.
I am silent.
I have no voice now.
I have no fight left.
I am empty.
I did what you said…
Looked in the mirror.
I finally see what you see.
I hope you are happy.
The scars you have left won’t ever leave.
God what have we become,
But empty shells,
Within love once dwelled.
“Be yourself” they say “and everyone will like you”. The truth is…..that is a straight up lie. You should indeed be yourself, but the truth is not everyone will like you, in fact there will always be someone who doesn’t like you.
In honesty, I am okay with that, I am the same me all of the time. I am a lot of things good and bad and the people who matter accept those things (What matters is I like myself). I am not perfect and I have made my share of mistakes, but I own them. If you don’t know me, take the time to or don’t make ignorant and inaccurate statements.
Be yourself and people may not like you, but as long as you stay true to who you are…..who gives a fuck.
I am me, I am flawed and imperfect and I am proud.
I take things in stride, but continuously unresolved issues eat at me. I am at a stand still and I am unsure, I don’t like uncertainty. I really need to think hard and make sure I use wisdom. What is the right decision. Am I over thinking things. Ugh. My mind and stresses are brewing up a blend of overwhelming. I need a reprieve from my own crowded head.
I feel the ache rising up in me. I miss him. He will be one soon…..God how time flies. I feel healed and then the slightest thing pulls and reminds me of the hole his absence has left behind.
Mothers are not made to have to live without their babies, then I remind myself this was my choice, for him. I am going to see him soon, hopefully, the very thought fills me with such joy, but yet such agonizing pain.
This kind of pain isn’t the kind you share, people get upset and uncomfortable by it. Life isn’t black and white, it’s the different shades that leave us in different places. How are any of us to judge another for their life or actions? Unless you have lived their life, you simply cannot, not unbiasedly. If I saw a woman running through the street naked, I would have judgemental thoughts, but if I found out she had just been raped and was escaping her attacker it would fit and make sense….do you see what I am saying? Don’t paint a picture when you don’t even know what the scenario looks like. Stop being judgemental and trying to see things through the way you would handle it, take off your rose colored glasses and open your eyes, see the whole picture.