Category Archives: blessed

Be yourself

“Be yourself” they say “and everyone will like you”. The truth is…..that is a straight up lie. You should indeed be yourself, but the truth is not everyone will like you, in fact there will always be someone who doesn’t like you.

In honesty, I am okay with that, I am the same me all of the time. I am a lot of things good and bad and the people who matter accept those things (What matters is I like myself). I am not perfect and I have made my share of mistakes, but I own them. If you don’t know me, take the time to or don’t make ignorant and inaccurate statements.

Be yourself and people may not like you, but as long as you stay true to who you are…..who gives a fuck.

I am me, I am flawed and imperfect and I am proud.

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My next season.

I am very excited to be stepping into this new season in my life. Things have been very hard for me lately, but finally things are starting to turn around for me. I am thrilled. I feel so blessed and lucky!  I am so grateful for all my blessings and the people who have been there for me. A lot of hard decisions ahead, but I know I am on the right path and all this struggle will not be in vain. I am ready! Words cannot express how happy and just blessed I am feeling.

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My little tornado.

This little girl pushes, stretches and most importantly teaches me about myself and life and love, constantly. I adore her.

There is nothing I wouldn’t do for my daughter. Being a single mother can be lonely, scary and stressful but she is worth it. As we step into this next season of our life I don’t know what all is in store for us, I know for sure a custody battle, BUT I will do what I have to to give her EVERYTHING. GOD I am so grateful that my stupidity gave me this beautiful child. I will never ever take her for granted or forget what she means to me or what her existence or love has given me. I love my beautiful daughter.

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Small town girl

I spent my childhood with my head in the clouds and imagination running wild, dreaming up my future, so big so bright and so ambitious. You see I grew up very  poor and in a small town, (both meaning) people treated me like my future was set in stone, I would be a trailer park baby making hillbilly, who maybe had a part time job as a waitress once the children were in school, I ALWAYS wanted more.

Beauty was my curse, means more men chased me then I cared to deal with, wanting to make me their barefoot and pregnant housewife. In a small town your future is hard to rewrite, practically set in stone, women marry their high school sweethearts and have their babies and lower their ambitions and slowly let their dreams slip away without even realizing. That my friends is not living, that is merely existing….not my style.

I am twenty-three, never married, with a three year old daughter and the most sarcastic attitude and opinionated personality, I am a pistol, loud, eye catching and deadly if not handled properly.

Sometimes we get so caught up in life we forget our childhood fervor, our dreams…..I for one refuse to live a menial life. I will be a wife and a mother and unfortunately growing older has forced itself on me like a drunk man at a bar, but I will follow my heart and my dreams wherever they lead. I am not afraid of what tomorrow brings. This small town girl isn’t what she seems, nor what anyone thought she would be. Here’s to dreams! Never lose them and never settle. Cheers.

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I am Bethany, I am scarred, I am beautiful.

    The thing about love ….. it is quite complicated and there are so many facets. Mainly, I guess, because there are so many  forms of love. Love can cause us the greatest pain or the most overwhelming joy, it is such a powerful emotion. It has the power of life (when two people come together as one in love and create a child) and death (if someone tried to harm my daughter I would without a second thought protect her, just by instinct).

Love always peaks my curiosity. So many people think they have found it because someone buys them flowers and tells them they are beautiful, that is insulting because love is so much deeper than that. Love sees past every flaw, heals every wound, it ties you to another person and you cannot help yourself but to feel what they feel, every high and every low. Love is when you walk in on your husband with another woman and feel your heart stop beating and hit your knees, not just because of what you see, but because you aren’t angry, you are heartbroken.

Love isn’t a game. “Love is like coming home after a long trip”, that is so true.

It took me a very long time to learn to love myself, as a bubbly person I have extreme highs and lows, every partner not quite understanding or annoyed with my mood swings. People constantly telling me what and how I should be. The thing is love doesn’t do that, doesn’t mean there don’t have to be changes from time to time, but instead it means that they accept every peice of you, not just looking past your perceived flaws but loving your quirks and helping you work past your hurts, seeing your scars and seeing your beauty altogether.
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Emotional psychosis

     LOVE… **cue the fireworks and the symphony**. Love is a disease that plagues us all from time to time, touches our lives if you perfer, and as I sift through wordpress blogs it tends to pop up. Love always intrigues and sometimes inspires me to my depths, I don’t like corny crazy stupid love BUT I do like hearing about/reading/witnessing true acts of love.

Love is beautiful and untouchable, well true love is, you can see it on a mother’s face the first time she sees her sweet freshly squeezed newborn child, love can make people do crazy things, it truly changes you. Unless you have ever loved so deep, you simply cannot understand.

No matter who it is, your child or significant other, love is when your soul connects to, seeks safety, refuge or makes it’s home, inside of someone else. It changes you to your very core. The struggle of this last year has taught me a lot about love and about myself really. All this to say, love is complicated and it doesn’t always end well, trust me, but it and every experience it brings is life alteringly beautiful.

Enjoy the journey and fight for the things and people you love.

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Him

I saw him today….It was harder than I thought it would be, to be honest, BUT I can feel the healing inside of me. He is so beautiful and sweet and I am grateful to see him with such a loving family.

My heart still aches for him but I know he is EXACTLY where he belongs and even though it is hard to see the good in all this, feeling those little hands on mine reminds me that even though this whole thing has been a nightmare (and nothing short of that), a beautiful little miracle has brought so much joy to so many people.

He is not my son, I am finally coming to grips with that, he was made and at first I thought it would tear me apart but instead it has made me stronger. I really didn’t think I could make it through all of this, but I am so blessed to have a supportive select few and God and I simply do not care what judgement anyone else has…. I am strong and I think that in time I am going to be okay.

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