Goodbye Momma

A few days ago I said goodbye to my mother as she moved back to New Zealand. My heart was sore at her for being so selfish and I was quite mad, but no matter how I felt she still went.

She will not be here for my daughters first day of school, my wedding, my birthday, or to see my first house, or the birth of my children. The truth is, hidden deep within my anger, is pure hurt. Once again she put a man before her children. My heart cracked when I picked my three year old up from her father’s and she stated “I miss Nona” after she asked where Nona was and I had to tell her “She lives far far away now baby, and she went home”.

It is her life and I want her to be happy, but seeing her go to be with a man who is physically abusive to her is quite hard. It broke my heart. Deep deep down I am terrified the next time I will see her is when she’s being put in the ground, for that mother fuckers sake I hope not.

In the end I love my mother, she has not always been there for me, but she gave me life. We fight more than anything else, but I will miss her terribly. It is so hard to watch someone make such a huge mistake and to know it may cost them their life. I love you Momma, please be careful.

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(My sister, my mother and I)

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